i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
