so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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