I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
