You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
