Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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