margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
