In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
