I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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