You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
