I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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