At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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