I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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