Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
