I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
