i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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