do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
