If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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