Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
