You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
