quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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