his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
