We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
