you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
