Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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