Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
