She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
