I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
