So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
