Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This show inspires me to have sex in space
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
