Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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