last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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