Buhtt sex?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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