she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
