Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
