apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
