first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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