i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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