Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Randomize
