It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
