I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
