I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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