after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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