My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
