ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
