i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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