At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize