i just had sex bonerless
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
