I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm just crazy horny about you
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
