I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
