We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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