Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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