I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
