These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
