he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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