Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
