I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
