Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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