Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry homosaiiwhaatt hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(206): View more from Washington

I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.

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(586): View more from Michigan

My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.

Fav 22 8752 1033
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(812): View more from Indiana

You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party

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(301): View more from Maryland

I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.

(704): View more from North Carolina

How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?

(301): View more from Maryland

Salt in an open wound right now.

Fav 17 2020 5588
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(231): View more from Michigan

I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence

(415): View more from California

shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.

Fav 12 8857 1351
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(770): View more from Georgia

We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.

Fav 2 2337 1150
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(416): View more from Toronto

He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.

Fav 4 812 577
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(714): View more from California

I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!

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(805): View more from California

I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.

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