One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize